ME: I should blog.
Old ME: Why?
ME: Because I enjoy it.
Old ME: But what’s the point? You haven’t blogged in almost a month. So, why bother, now?
ME: There is no point except that I enjoy it and it helps me crystallize my thoughts.
Old ME: But how will you explain as to why you haven’t blogged in almost a month?
ME: Why do I need to explain it? To whom?
Old ME: Um.. to the world? Aren’t you acknowledging your failure at the whole blogging thing? Why would you want to do that?
ME: It is my blog. I can write 50 times a day or once in 50 days. Yes, I was lazy about blogging. Yes, the words refused to flow. Yes, I have considered giving it up especially since the momentum is lost. But, I have to start again.
Old ME: Why?
ME: Because I cannot fail. And if I fail, I have to pick myself up, dust my behind and carry on walking. I have to learn to not give up the moment an obstacle pops up. If I run away from blogging, it is just the start to running away from other things. It gets easier to give up everytime. Perhaps, so easy, that I might even stop trying eventually because it is easy to assume failure.
Old ME: But, you don’t like failing.
ME: Of course, I don’t. No one does. But, I enjoy succeeding. In order to succeed, I have to fail. I have to get used to failing and learn to carry on despite failure. You know what I am talking about, don’t you? How many times have you run away without fighting because you were afraid to fail?
Old ME: Too many times. But it works.
ME: No, it doesn’t. Have you ever considered that you might have succeeded at least once or twice out of all the times you ran away? Who knows, what you have missed out on!
Old ME: Yeah. I agree. But so what? At least I haven’t failed. 😛
ME: Yes, but you have also never really succeeded except those few times when against all odds, you fought the battle and won. And so what if you had failed? You would have just tried again. Perhaps, taken a different approach to the same problem or tried a completely different strategy.
Old ME: But I don’t like dealing with failure.
ME: Of course you don’t. However, in order to grow (both personally and professionally), you have to learn to fail, accept it and move on. Failure is a part of life. The sooner you accept it, the further you will go in life.
Old ME: But what does this whole conversation have to do with blogging?
ME: Don’t change the subject.
Old ME: Okay.. What do you want me to say?
ME: Nothing. I want you to keep quiet and let me be. I am not you anymore. I am learning how to accept failure and I don’t need you to rear your pretty little head and give me advice on this. Just keep quiet and let me try.
Old ME: Okay. You are going to regret this.
ME: No, I won’t.
Old ME: Grumble! Sigh! Do what you must but don’t come crying to me later.
ME: I won’t.
Old ME: Hmpf! Well, then, how about telling me what this has to do with blogging?
ME: Everything. My first instinct when I hadn’t blogged all this time was to just quit. I knew it would be easy. I have started and stopped a blog before also even though I enjoyed it immensely. In my mind, I had failed to stick to the schedule I had set for myself and I didn’t think it would be possible to pick up where I left off. Then it struck me: so what if I haven’t blogged for a whole month- its not such a big deal. Besides, if I give up on small things like this, how will I find the courage to pursue my dreams and the guts to get up if I fall. Sometimes, the small things matter as much as the big ones. Blogging, for example, has helped me figure out a lot of things and I consider it an integral part of my journey. It is a crucial stepping stone and failure at this juncture is unacceptable. Also, it really doesn’t take much to just start writing again. If I am unwilling to take a small action like that to ensure that I do not fail, how will I ever handle big problems and how will I travel around the world on my own.
No, getting back to blogging is of paramount importance- an anchor of sorts. It keeps me anchored and grounded and is a constant in my changing life. So, I have to do it.
Old ME: Hmmmm. You almost have me convinced.
ME: I am not you anymore so it doesn’t matter. I am going to go ahead and do it.
Old ME: Good luck. I long to tell you, “I told you so”.
ME: You wont have a chance to. So long.
Old ME: So long.